her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
