He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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