You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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