The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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