just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
