so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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