i think my mom watched the whole time
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
