I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
