You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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