Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
