and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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