loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
