Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Randomize
