I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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