That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
