The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
