Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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