I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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