someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
