I wish you could order shots online.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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