im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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