I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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