I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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