yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
