I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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