Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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