how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
