What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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