I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
