Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
