I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
