atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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