if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
