ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
