I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just pynch a tree in the face
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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