his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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