And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
