Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
