I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
