i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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