Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
