at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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