So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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