talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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