trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
