I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
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I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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