her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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