I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
