Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
