Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
