Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
