she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
