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I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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