we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In other news, I just burned my penis
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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