actually, I'm a sock model
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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