I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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