Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
