and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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