I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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