Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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