He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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